Perfectionism often gets praised as a strength, but for many people it’s paired with anxiety, overthinking, and a constant sense that nothing is ever quite good enough. Allison O’Konski, LPC, NCC, has worked with many clients who carry that pressure. In this conversation, she explains how perfectionism and anxiety overlap, what it looks like when the pursuit of perfect gets in the way, and how to build a more flexible, compassionate way of moving through life.
Anxiety and perfectionism
Are anxiety and perfectionism really connected?
Allison: There is definitely a lot of overlap. People sometimes call it “being OCD,” but what we are really seeing is a focus on making everything as perfect as possible until you are overthinking, overstressing, and overwhelmed. That pressure can lead to procrastination and a freeze response, because you have put so much on yourself. When you look at it that way, you can hear the anxiety under the surface. Fear of failure sits right next to fear and anxiety. It also helps to notice whether the drive for perfect is about identity and control, because that gives us a sense of safety.
What are the signs perfectionism is getting in the way?
When the focus on perfect starts creating new problems. Procrastination is a common one. There is so much pressure to get it exactly right that getting started feels daunting, so you delay. People can also get stuck in an extended planning phase, trying to account for every detail instead of beginning.
All or nothing thinking is another clue. If you did not complete every single task, the day feels like a failure. That tends to come with harsh self-criticism. Instead of noticing what went well, your mind jumps to I failed, I let people down, why did I try.
Another red flag I see is difficulty delegating. If you feel you must keep control because only you can do it the right way, tasks pile up and efficiency drops. Those patterns tell us the pursuit of perfect is harming your well-being.
Could this be ADHD, or is it anxiety and perfectionism?
On the surface, they can look similar. You might see trouble starting tasks, hopping between tasks, or feeling lost in details. ADHD often shows up earlier in life and is a pervasive pattern you can trace back. Perfectionism can develop later as a mindset tied to control, safety, and fear of failure. It is important not to self-diagnose based on overlap, but to look at what is driving the difficulty and support that directly.
Ways to break the patterns of perfectionism
What short-term strategies help interrupt overthinking?
Grounding helps because it brings your attention to the present and restores a sense of safety. A simple example is a safety scan. Look around and ask if anything you can see poses a threat right now. Often the danger is in your thoughts, not your environment. I also encourage people to create exit ramps for worry. Say the thoughts out loud, call someone you trust, or open a journal and let the words spill. For some people, prayer is that exit ramp.
It can also help to use deliberate comedic relief as a pattern interrupt. Keep a favorite short video or account you can pull up quickly when you notice the loop starting, something you know usually breaks the spell for a minute so you can reset.
Movement matters, too. If you feel stuck in freeze, stand up, swing your arms, or take a brief walk. Even small movement can break the hold of analysis paralysis.
What does longer-term work look like?
It depends on the roots. Sometimes there is trauma work, especially if being perfect once felt like what kept you safe. Then the work goes deeper than a few coping tools. We explore what happens in your body and mind when you try to do something imperfectly on purpose, and what beliefs show up when you loosen control.
I also normalize setbacks. I like the idea of being a recovering perfectionist. You may never be finished with this entirely. We plan for common triggers that pull you back toward old patterns, like being tired, sick, burned out, or under heavy stress, and we decide ahead of time how you will respond. When a setback happens, we treat it as information. What did you feel, think, and do. That data helps us tailor support to your real experience.
Getting help
When should someone reach out for help?
If you recognize yourself in these patterns, pause and ask whether they are helping. Sometimes people do not realize there is another way. Awareness is a great starting point. Therapy is a messy process by design. It is not linear and it is not about impressing your therapist. Let it be imperfect. That is how you know you are doing the work.
Reach out to Harmony to start letting go
Perfectionism promises safety and delivers pressure. Stepping out of that loop takes practice, compassion, and support. If you are noticing the signs in your own life, you do not have to figure it out alone. Reaching out can be the first imperfect step toward relief and a more flexible, sustainable way of living.
If you’re ready to start your mental health journey, Harmony offers compassionate, evidence-based care. For new clients, please click here to schedule an appointment. For existing clients, please click here and find your office location to contact your office directly.